Breaking News: Starbucks declares plan to napalm Alaska...
You Are Here: Home » Posts tagged "education"

Free Schools ‘Not Free’

Free schools cost money, it has been revealed.

Education secretary Michael Gove confirmed today that his flagship free schools policy is based on the definition of ‘free’ which means ‘without responsibility or duty’, rather than ‘without cost’.

...more

Nick Clegg: “I’m sorry”

Hello, my name is Nick Clegg. This is a newspaper column that I have been allowed to write, and, if it’s alright with you, I’d like to use it to grovel.

Now, as you may know, I’m the Deputy Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. I was hired to do this job after my party finished third in a general election four years ago.

...more

Michael Gove Reveals New GOVECSE

Education Secretary Michael Gove says his new GOVECSE is going to whip your children into shape, and if you don’t like it you can stay behind and meet Mr Cane.

The GOVECSE will test school pupils everyday at 9am, 12noon and 3pm on how much they know about the life and times of Michael Gove, the Secretary of State for Education and All Conquering God of Your Every Waking Fucking Hour.

...more

Benefits To Be Replaced By Handicaps

Benefits will be entirely replaced by a new handicap system based on how poor you are.

The welfare state is an old-fashioned, cumbersome institution that needs to be rebuilt from scratch as something completely different, the government reckons.

...more

Emergency Services To Be Replaced By Shops And Offices

Police stations, fire stations and A&E departments will all be demolished and replaced by shops and offices equipped with first aid kits, a fire extinguisher and someone from G4S.

The government claims the buildings that house our emergency services pose a major threat to the life of Britain’s sick economy and must be sold before they cause any more damage.

...more

It’s not the taking part, it’s the winnings

After the epic Great British summer we have had, the drug of competition has got many of us hooked. We want more.

We want more sprint finishes, more dives for the line, more forehand winners, more ippons. Hell, we don’t just want to see it again, we want to do it all ourselves.

...more

School Playing Fields ‘Too Muddy for Wheelchairs’

Every state school playing field in the country will be sold to an IT company because they’re too muddy, the government has announced.

Heralding the start of the London 2012 Paralympics, Education Secretary Michael Gove said a fire sale of school playing fields would secure a permanent legacy for the Games.

...more
web design by clickcreations
Scroll to top