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Prince Charles Had Casting Vote In General Election

HRH Prince of WalesThe heir to the British crown cast the deciding vote in the general election, it has been revealed by us.

Prince Charles was called into action after the Conservative and Labour parties won exactly the same number of MPs and votes – just as the polls had predicted.

Both David Cameron and Ed Miliband met Charles for an emergency meeting at Windsor Castle on election night, shortly after a fabricated exit poll was published to distract the media for four hours.

Minutes of the meeting, obtained by The Taxman because we’re that damn good, show that Charles told Cameron to “sell me” the prospect of a Tory government, while Miliband was forced to get on his knees and beg.

“I won’t support your government unless you give landowners substantially more money,” Charles said, according to the minutes. “It’s quite extraordinary how we’re all suffering at present, it’s shocking actually.

“We also need to buy, as a matter of absolute urgency, a considerable quantity of new Desert Warriors. You know, the ones with the huge cannons.

“Should you agree, I can get you the phone number of this rather nice chap at BAE Systems. He comes recommended by my little brother Andrew, no less.

“And, of course, an absolute red line for me, as far my support for your new government is concerned, would be the replacement of the NHS with a new Royal Herb Centre, where patients from all over the country can go to be healed by one of my own homemade recipes.

“What do you say David? Edward? Don’t make me call Nick. I’ll do it. Don’t think I won’t.”

The late-night “Summit of Windsor” ended in Prince Charles’ endorsement of Cameron, with Miliband pledging to flee to Ibiza as soon as possible.

The Prince of Wales then arranged for Cameron to have a majority by “making a few calls” to returning officers at dozens of counts around the country.

A spokeswoman for the Royal Family told us: “Prince Charles is our boss. He is your boss. He is the boss of the prime minister and the entire government.

“Her Majesty the Queen is the only person Charles answers to, and she told him to ‘deal with the plebs so I don’t have to’ in 1972.”

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