Danny Alexander ‘Made Of Plasticine’
Danny Alexander, who lives in a small box on George Osborne’s desk, is apparently able to morph into different shapes depending on whom he is being moulded by at any given time.
An internal party document carrying the Plasticine claims was leaked to The Taxman newspaper this morning by an anonymous former Lib Dem leader.
It said: “As members will no doubt be aware, Danny Alexander is entirely constructed from a modelling material comprising calcium salts, petroleum jelly and aliphatic acids; a mouldable clay otherwise known as Plasticine.
“Since May 2010 Danny has been moulded by the Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne, but, as part of the Coalition Agreement, moulding rights returned to the Federal Executive in December.
“It is important that Danny’s true biological framework remains a secret during this transition back to party control. The way that we decide to mould Danny over the next five months will be crucial to our success at the 2015 General Election.
“Suggestions for which forms he should be moulded into are welcome but plans will be finalised prior to the new session of Parliament beginning on 5th January.”
Since becoming Chief Secretary to the Treasury Mr Alexander has helped the Conservatives to shrink the state by slashing spending on public services and privatising government assests, but Mr Alexander now says that shrinking the state is a bad thing and that the Conservatives have got it wrong.
Asked to comment on the Plasticine revelations, Mr Alexander garbled: “Umm mmm ahhh. Hehehehe. Ahahahahaha. Cuts.”
A spokesman for the Treasury added: “Plasticine? Yes of course he’s made from bloody Plasticine.
“You didn’t think he was actually a real person, did you?”