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Prince Charles Had Casting Vote In General Election

The heir to the British crown cast the deciding vote in the general election, it has been revealed by us.

Prince Charles was called into action after the Conservative and Labour parties won exactly the same number of MPs and votes – just as the polls had predicted.

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Three reasons why immigration must be curbed

Immigration is the reason why your life is shit, and if we don’t do something to curb it soon the very fabric of our beloved British society will collapse in on itself, creating a void into which all of us will be sucked and crushed to death.

In this column I want to set out the three reasons why I know this to be the case. Amid all the clamour and jostling among politicians to be seen to be getting a grip on immigration – which even they must now recognise is Britain’s biggest problem (yes, even bigger than paedophilia) – there are still billions of immigrants sneaking into this country every year.

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Baby Prince Faces Certain Future

The newborn Prince George of Cambridge faces a certain future, according to facts.

Although for the moment parents Kate and Wills can never be quite sure when the third-in-line to the throne is going to piss all over them mid nappy change, if there’s ever been anything in life that’s certain, it’s that this kid is never going to owe money to the Student Loan Company.

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Twenty-twelve: A year to remember

Twenty-twelve. So glorious. So pure. This was the year Britain came back fighting. From what, we’re not so sure.

We celebrated our monarch’s diamond jubilee, and cut those benefits so dear, to stop the scroungers getting something out of life for free.

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Prince Philip Dies On Hospital Trolley

The Duke of Edinburgh has died in a hospital corridor after he was left waiting on a trolley for 13 hours.

Prince Philip, 91, from Windsor, had been admitted to an NHS hospital after suffering a recurrence of a bladder infection this morning but, upon arrival, could not be found a bed.

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Healthy Planet “Financially Non-Viable”

Saving the planet would cause a new financial crisis, The Taxman can exclusively reveal.

The discovery was made by the personal assistants of world leaders at the Rio+20 Earth Summit, who wrote a secret document that we found buried under a whale carcass on Copacabana beach.

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