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Ebola Corporation Sues Government

The multinational firm distributing Ebola across Europe is set to sue the British government after ‘harsh’ measures against the virus were imposed at UK airports.

Ebola Corporation claims screening passengers arriving from west Africa will slow growth of the deadly virus in Britain and prevent thousands of new jobs from being created.

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Three reasons why immigration must be curbed

Immigration is the reason why your life is shit, and if we don’t do something to curb it soon the very fabric of our beloved British society will collapse in on itself, creating a void into which all of us will be sucked and crushed to death.

In this column I want to set out the three reasons why I know this to be the case. Amid all the clamour and jostling among politicians to be seen to be getting a grip on immigration – which even they must now recognise is Britain’s biggest problem (yes, even bigger than paedophilia) – there are still billions of immigrants sneaking into this country every year.

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Healthy Planet “Financially Non-Viable”

Saving the planet would cause a new financial crisis, The Taxman can exclusively reveal.

The discovery was made by the personal assistants of world leaders at the Rio+20 Earth Summit, who wrote a secret document that we found buried under a whale carcass on Copacabana beach.

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The British Empire is alive and killing

When does an empire cease to be an empire? When member countries gain independence, or when their populations are no longer exploited?

According to the former definition, the British Empire concluded within a few years of the Second World War. And yet, the exploitation has continued.

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Caught in the middle

The battleground for the future of humanity has been clearly marked.

On one side are the masses, a vast majority of the population of the globe, armed with nothing but their own passion, energy, heart and intelligence.

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African Sorrow for Global Fiscal Woes

Everyone in Somalia, Ethiopia, Kenya and South Sudan has expressed sympathy for their fiscally-challenged friends in the United States of America and the European Union.

Speaking all at once in perfect synchronisation so that the entire globe could hear and be comforted by their warm condolences, ten million starving Africans conveyed remorse that they could not do more to avert the economic catastrophes befalling those less fortunate.

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