Manchester United reject David Moyes has been snapped up by loss-making moneylender Royal Bank of Scotland (RBS).

The taxpayer-owned bank is hungry for failure and has not wasted time in hiring man-of-the-moment Moyes, sacked by Man Utd this week after turning Premier League champions into Premier League paupers in under a year.

I like Sophie Ellis-Bextor. Which is odd for me, because I don’t usually like women.

Maybe it’s the double-barrelled surname and the posh accent that’s enamoured me. Or the high credit rating.

Work and pensions secretary Iain Duncan Smith has vowed to tackle the “ludicrous” bonuses being given out by foodbanks across the UK.

Latest figures show 350,000 food parcels have been handed out to people who haven’t earned them.

I’ve been in quarantine for the last few months; barred from writing, talking or farting about anything to do with music.

That’s because I’m a Barclaycard Mercury Music Prize judge, and it’s not good form to be seen to comment on a competition that one is involved in deciding the outcome of.

I love it when a band is unambiguous. There’s certainly no doubt where One Direction are headed.

A payment of £10million delivered by a tax-dodging coffee company has failed to wake the British government up from its 55-year coma, sources indicate.

Officials from Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs (HMRC) said although they were doing all they could to flex their nostrils, the Starbucks cash received last week had not helped them smell anything close to a single waft of the stench that has emanated from offshore tax havens since the late 1950s.

I remember the last time I reviewed a Christina Aguilera album. The year was 2006, and life was great.

No-one cared about the deficit, no-one was complaining about bankers being greedy and no-one thought Christina Aguilera was fat.