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Queen Insecure About Living In Palace

The Queen admitted last week that the economic downturn leaves her waking up in a hot sweat at 4am every morning, while often having nightmares that the crown jewels have been lost to a giant Ponzi scheme.

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Government Strike Multi-Quadrillion Pound Deal With Devil

The British government has moved to ease credit-flow problems in Hell by handing Satan £666,000,000,000,000 (666 trillion) in cash, with a further £6,000,000,000,000,000 (six quadrillion) available by postal order.

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