A chilling new Islamic State video starring homegrown terrorist Jihadi John shows a Western hostage being gruesomely detained without charge.

The terrifying tape shows in graphic detail how the hostage’s mind gradually turns to mush after spending just one hour outside his cell each day for over a decade.

Crime rates fell by more than half within a few hours of a new snoopers’ charter being rushed into law.

Police welcomed the introduction of the Data Retention and Investigatory Powers Act (DRIP) because it immediately legalised various snooping activities which they have been carrying on with behind our backs.

Tony Blair is an American spy who has been working undercover as a politician since the 1970s in order to become prime minister and destroy Britain’s civil rights.

National Security Agency (NSA) documents leaked by whistleblower Edward Snowden have finally exposed the true identity of the man who most people assumed had lied about Iraq, but probably not much else.

The ‘royal’ in ‘Royal Mail’ is set to be lost after 497 years of regal service thanks to a gaggle of conspiring newspaper bosses who have stamped their authority all over our post.

Editors, led by the Daily Mail‘s Paul Dacre, have bought thousands of shares in the recently-privatised firm, and there is nothing anyone can do about it.

Well, that’s that then. We’ve finally won the argument. The proof for man-made climate change is conclusive. Conclusively wrong.

Thank you, IPCC. You’ve shown, once and for all, that global warming is a big pile of old rubbish, burning in a completely harmless incinerator.

Vladimir Putin has agreed to cancel a Winter Olympic event and move it to Canada after pressure from gay activists.

The Russian prime minister said he was happy to transfer the men’s figure skating event to Vancouver for the 2014 Games, but vowed that all other “legitimate” sports would take place in Sochi in February as originally planned.

Discriminating against people based on their race, gender, sexuality, class or other predetermined characteristic is a lot more difficult than it used to be, a survey of elderly rural folk has found.

Being prejudiced and getting away with it now requires planning, strategy, guile and a work ethic that is beyond the capability of most stupid, narrow-minded people.