Free schools cost money, it has been revealed.

Education secretary Michael Gove confirmed today that his flagship free schools policy is based on the definition of ‘free’ which means ‘without responsibility or duty’, rather than ‘without cost’.

Alright, that’s it. Enough already. I’m bored of this now. Time to lay down a few ‘facts’ about climate change.

You listening? Well that’s your first mistake. Because I’m writing, not talking. And I’m writing hard.

Twenty-twelve. So glorious. So pure. This was the year Britain came back fighting. From what, we’re not so sure.

We celebrated our monarch’s diamond jubilee, and cut those benefits so dear, to stop the scroungers getting something out of life for free.

A payment of £10million delivered by a tax-dodging coffee company has failed to wake the British government up from its 55-year coma, sources indicate.

Officials from Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs (HMRC) said although they were doing all they could to flex their nostrils, the Starbucks cash received last week had not helped them smell anything close to a single waft of the stench that has emanated from offshore tax havens since the late 1950s.

George Osborne has said the hosepipe ban in southern and eastern England must remain in place – despite the fact it’s fucking pissing it down.

The Chancellor of the Exchequer vowed to ignore what was happening outside and has even added to our peril by banning the double-flush.

A shortfall in housing is pricing out many potential first-time third-home buyers.

The decline in the supply of affordable mansions and a sharp rise in the viewing figures for Escape to the Country have combined to create a ‘perfect storm’ in the market for multiple dwellings.

The British people have won their High Court bid to evict occupying kleptocrats from the City of London.

Laundering businessmen of the City, who protect the interests of the wealthy elite through an unaccountable plutocracy and a coterie of security personnel, have been squatting on our land since the 12th Century.