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Sophie Ellis-Bextor: Wanderlust

Lovely SophieI like Sophie Ellis-Bextor. Which is odd for me, because I don’t usually like women.

Maybe it’s the double-barrelled surname and the posh accent that’s enamoured me. Or the high credit rating.

Whatever it is, this girl oozes upper class. Her new album, Wanderlust, is exactly the sort of money-spinner credit card companies love.

It’s a product guaranteed to bring in the dosh no matter how much substance or depth there is to it.

Now, I don’t mean to do Ms Ellis-Bextor a disservice. I’m sure she’d make a fantastic lover. But here lies the problem: I’m a gay Mercury Music Prize judge.

And, well, I’ve got the same dilemma as Craig Revel Horwood in the last series of Strictly Come Dancing.

No matter how good Sophie looks in a sparkly ballroom gown, I just can’t give her my biggest digit.

You see, ever since Barclaycard began its sponsorship of the Mercury Prize in 2009, it’s been desperate to shed its image as a credit card. It doesn’t want to be associated with spiralling interest repayments and rioting.

The Mercury Music Prize is all about the celebration of fine music, regardless of wealth or commercial success.

Credit ratings and class background are still important, sure, but what’s even more important nowadays is whether you’re going to look at the small print of your PPI.

The problem with Sophie is, I just couldn’t screw her over. She’s too smart and too female. Before the financial crisis, perhaps. But not now.

My lust is wandering elsewhere.

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