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Wind Turbine Objectors Okay With Pylons, PVC Conservatories, Deforestation, More

ugly windmill, beautiful coal plant

Vociferous campaigners against plans to build a wind farm in Middle England say they have no problem with 50-metre electricity pylons, nor anything else that has been forcibly added to or taken away from the rural landscape over the last 10,000 years since man first settled on this forested island.

The new windmills proposed for erection upon one of Britain’s best-loved patches of grass may provide enough clean, renewable energy to power five billion patio heaters and at least two-and-a-half billion garden water features, but the Campaign against Upstanding New Turbine Structures (Cunts) is not satisfied the suggested benefits will offset the damage to a landscape admired for its unnecessary street lamps, oversized conservatories, agricultural scarring and historical deforestation.

“These huge, white, rotating blades of steel will totally spoil my view of pylon No. 4389,” Felicity Walton-Penningsmith-Jones told The Taxman over a cup of fine English tea.

“Neither will I be able to admire that magnificent example of a chicken abattoir.”

The planning application for the wind farm has already attracted 23 letters of objection, 76 phone calls of discontent and 546 mutterings of annoyance from the nearby village of Oakley-used-to-be-a-Wood where 82 percent of the population work and live in London during the week.

“How very dare they,” started Mrs Stevenson, from Church Street.

“How am I supposed to listen to Radio 4 in my double-glazed conservatory when those things are turning faster than a jenny wheel?

“I bet they’re the reason my husband died of natural causes.”

Should the wind farm be rejected, Britain’s renewable energy capacity is set to fall below that of Antarctica, where a scientific research station’s incandescent light bulb is about to be swapped for a wind-up torch.

While today’s Middle England is a beautiful scene of idyllic countryside, rolling hills, farmland and dual-carriageways that must be protected against the fascist construction of tall white windmills, say Cunts; the imminent destruction of the world’s natural habitats due to man-made climate chaos is perfectly acceptable.

“I’m not against renewable energy,” continued Ms Walton-Penningsmith-Jones.

“I’m just a bit worried that my property will fall in value.”


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