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What Cyclone? Ask Burmese Junta

bridge of death

Burma’s ruling military junta have denied that more than 200,000 of its people have been killed by a cyclone, claiming instead that there was no cyclone, and that the 200,000 people never existed.

“I think that if 200,000 of my own citizens had been killed, I would know about it by now, thanks very much,” said Burmese prime minister Than Shwe earlier today.

“As far we are concerned, there is no cyclone, or people. It is just us here. We live alone in the jungle.”

Today’s announcement was part of a fresh media relations effort, with representatives from various international publications invited to attend the junta’s jungle retreat and ask any questions they may have.

Mr Shwe continued: “There will be no more questions about this so-called ‘cyclone’. Anyone with a problem with this should visit our press complaints department.

“Please, go down those steps there, into the underground cavern, along the dark corridor, across the rickety bridge and through the door marked ‘dispatch’.”

The totalitarian leader said that if anyone wanted to visit the delta regions of Burma; where, the junta still refuse to acknowledge, an estimated 200,000 people have been killed by Cyclone Nargis and another 1.5 million are on the verge of death from disease, dehydration, hunger, or all three; reporters were welcome to travel to the area by escort of a junta militia.

Invited Shwe: “We will guide you. Here, follow this man, he will take you. Bye bye!”

It was again reiterated today that donations of aid were welcome, but rescuers were not. Mr Shwe announced: “The residents of Burma have suffered for a long time.

“We have all been living alone in this huge jungle palace for years without so much as a strip club or casino, or anything you Westerners take for granted. Give us your money, and we will be richly rewarded!

“On your way out, and as a token of our appreciation, please feel free to have a glass of Burmese mango juice. Yes, that’s it, drink it! Drink the juice!”

In other news, 23 journalists are reported missing.


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