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Oil Firms Slam Gaddafi On Human Rights

Gaddafi with inhumane colleague, Tony BlairThe world’s top oil firms have united to condemn Colonel Gaddafi’s ‘appalling’ record on human rights in Libya.

The Oil Firms Against Libya (OFAL) collective said today that dropping bombs on innocent civilians in the desert nation was about ending their suffering, and ending their suffering only.

“There is no question that NATO killing people in Libya is about anything other than trying to stop Gaddafi also killing people,” the press statement sent from an oil tanker in the Mediterranean Sea read.

“Everyone here at OFAL, including such noble and respected humanitarian oil conglomerates as British Petroleum, Exxon Mobil and Shell, is united in the condemnation of Gaddafi’s atrocious treatment of his people.

“We have very strong reason to believe that as of this very moment, Gaddafi is personally electrocuting no less than seven million children.

“The only reasonable response to this is to drop a massive bomb on to Gaddafi’s compound, put all the kiddies out of their misery, and then obtain immediate and total control of all of Libya’s national assets.

“Whatever those may be.”

Since the Arab Spring began in mid-winter, Gaddafi has looked increasingly isolated among a tide of revolutionary protests which have swept through the Middle East region.

However, the ruthless dictator has stubbornly clung on to power, jeopardising peaceful flows of energy to the West.

Asked why human rights abuses in Syria, Bahrain and Iran were of less concern to them, an OFAL spokesman told us, here at The Taxman: “What human rights abuses?

“Oh, yes, well if that is the case, I must say I am not aware of it. It is obviously just not in the news very much.

“I mean, Bahrain is a beautiful island right next to our close humanitarian allies, Saudi Arabia. What could possibly go wrong?

“Syria. Is that in South America? No, I’m sorry, I don’t know it.

“As for Iran, well, I tell you that Iran is a massive concern to us. Very big concern.

“I don’t know about any human rights abuses there, but if we could just find a way to get hold of their oil, man, would we be able to give out some massive dividends this year.

“Fuck me.”

Former British prime minister Tony Blair, a close personal friend of Gaddafi’s, said he did not know where the Libyan despot was.

“I haven’t spoken to him, nor received any handwritten letters, texts or messages on LinkedIn and Facebook,” clarified Blair.

“Despite the similarities between myself and the Colonel I would like to distance myself from his more recent abhorrent actions.

“Particularly all the ones that have been reported by the media.”


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