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Heavy Rain Blamed for Summer Floods

it's rain, stupid

A key climate science panel has blamed this summer’s floods on ‘some real heavy rain’.

The revelation completely debunked any concerns that global warming may have made such extreme weather events more likely.

Instead, scientist Vincent Game said rain had been happening for thousands of years so how can it have anything to do with coal?

“Global warming is not to blame, rain is,” Mr Game explained, speaking in his part-time role as rain consultant for the International Diocese of Intelligence On Terrible Science (Idiots).

“My many years’ experience of watching rainfall puts me in the best position to categorically remove global warming from the list of possible reasons why this severe flooding has occurred,” he continued.

“Indeed, Idiots’ research found that 99 percent of floods happen because of high precipitation.”

Mr Game said he was well-placed to analyse the cause of the devastating floods that have drowned Britain because he has an O-level in religious studies.

Crusty Conservative MP, David Wilshire, welcomed the news. “It is great to see some intelligent thinking on the matter,” he said.

“What these floods prove is that global warming has started to reverse.”

The Spelthorne MP, where 80 percent of constituents are employed by Heathrow Airport, confirmed: “The planet is cooling and polar bears are taking over Norway.

“If anything, the world is just too damn cold right now. Brrrr.”

Idiots, which receives funding from EasyJet, Ryan Air, Virgin Atlantic, Rolls-Royce, British Airways, Thomsonfly and Airbus; was set up more than three weeks ago and is the top reference on climate science for the UK Independence Party.

Vincent Game also sits on the board of British Petroleum.


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