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“From Now On, We Only Employ Murderers,” Orders Fox

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Anyone who isn’t already a trained assassin has been kicked out of the Armed Forces.

The Ministry of Defence (MOD) today fired 11,000 non-lethal RAF, Navy and Army personnel out of a cannon and into the North Sea.

Because of George Osborne’s public spending cuts, the government can no longer afford to employ people who don’t know how to kill other people.

Defence Secretary Liam Fox said: “We’re really sorry about the way we’ve gone about this redundancy programme but we thought it was probably better than our idea of using them all as human shields in Tripoli.

“Talk about negative publicity.”

The Tory ponce said he was astonished when he started his job last year to learn that not everyone who works for the MOD knows how to pick off an Arab with a sniper rifle from 100 feet away.

“I thought it was a bloody disgrace, to be honest with you,” Fox snarled.

“Surely the first thing we should look for when we’re recruiting is whether or not the candidate can stand in front of a terror suspect, his wife, his children and his pet dog – and shoot all of them in the head without hesitation.

“I mean, for Christ’s sake, some of these chumps we’ve just let go didn’t even have the courage and the determination to piss on an Iraqi street vendor.

“Fucking pansies.”


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