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Doctors To Spend NHS Budget On Lobbying for Euthanasia

might as well be dead

A survey of General Practitioners (GPs) has shown that if the coalition government pushed through its health reforms and gave them control of budgets, they would spend all of it on lobbying for euthanasia and various other new laws.

Top of the shopping list for the nation’s doctors is permission to let any terminal patients with no quality of life die, instead of forcing them to exist in a semi-conscious, undignified, taxpayers’ money-sapping state during their inexorable decline.

Britain’s GPs would also spend the National Health Service (NHS) budget on demanding the government legalise drugs, make traffic-light food labelling mandatory, spend more money on health education, medical research and speed cameras, instead of less, and, for fuck’s sake, stop allowing the private sector to make a fast buck at our expense.

One doctor, from Ruislip, told The Taxman: “I’ve barely got enough time in my day to flirt with the receptionist. Do you really think I’d have enough time to start fiddling about with budgets and buying services?

“It might bleeding-well help if the government stopped making us keep alive patients who are suffering in agony and incapable of doing anything for themselves any more.”

The survey results will be bad news for Health Secretary Andrew Lansley, who had hoped that GPs would spend their new budgets on repaying high-interest loans for all of the over-expensive, centralised hospitals with less beds that have been built in the last decade.

Mr Lansely groaned: “It’s a shame that GPs don’t want to enter into the general spirit of what this coalition government is trying to achieve.

“All we want to do is take British healthcare back to its medieval roots, when everyone was completely free to earn enough money to pay to see the only doctor for 50 miles.

“Back in the 12th Century, there was no bureaucratic nonsense. If you had an illness, you just had to get on with it and survive for as long as you could.

“People were free to discover their own novel ways of dealing with excruciating pain and debilitating disease. This is what our liberalisation programme is all about: Abandoning you completely.”

Under the government’s plans, local Primary Care Trusts (PCTs) would be abolished and replaced with a mix of GP consortia, private healthcare providers, mortgage lenders, estate agents and oil companies, who would all compete to provide NHS services at a regional level.

Added Lansely: “My long-term vision is of a non-existent National Health Service, giving patients complete control over their treatment.

“Either they pay for that emergency kidney transplant, or they figure out a way to do it themselves. It’s about giving people the freedom to choose.”


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