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Calls for Inquiry Into Iraq Inquiry

monkey knows there were no wmds

Campaigners have called for an inquiry to hear evidence that the Iraq War Inquiry is illegal and should not be taking place.

Nothing has yet been discovered about the war which was not already bleeding fucking obvious to a blindfolded monkey, while the key protagonists of the atrocity have been subjected to nothing more than a severe armpit tickling.

Displaying the interrogation skills of a tea towel, Sir John Chilcot’s inquiry has so far revealed that the intelligence on Iraq was exaggerated, the United Nations was against an invasion, Tony Blair and George Bush held discussions in private, post-war planning was weak, the US and UK were going to invade with or without evidence of WMDs, and that Saddam Hussein had a moustache.

“You don’t fucking say,” commented the relative of an Iraq War Inquiry witness killed by an improvised boredom device that she claimed was planted by Chilcot himself.

“What amazing revelation will Chilcot uncover next? That Iraq has oil?

“That unrelentingly useless wet cloth should be hung from the rafters. I mean, seriously, he’s got several of the world’s most wanted war criminals sat in front of him and all he can ask them is whether they thought they were doing anything wrong.

“If Tony Blair was sat in front of me, I’d ask him whether he had any last fucking words.”

But however badly the Iraq War Inquiry has been executed, and its outcomes bungled, campaigners are arguing that it should never have been allowed to take place anyway.

A spokesman from the Stop the Inquiry Coalition told The Taxman: “Holding an inquiry into the Iraq War is like asking a man holding a bloody knife standing over a dead body, riddled with stab wounds, whether he knew what happened.

“The CCTV footage has been watched over and over again, there are 31 million witnesses and the DNA tests are conclusive.

“So do you haul him in again for questioning, with no threat that the answers received will lead to anything more than a spanked bottom, or do you charge the fucker with murder? Hmm, let me think.”

Chilcot’s next witness is a brick wall.


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