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Back To the Eighties

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Duran Duran are at number one, everyone’s got shit haircuts and corporation tax is getting slashed, George Osborne has announced.

He explained that because Britain is out of plutonium, we’re stuck in the 1980s until at least the next general election.

“Wake me up before you go-go,” Osborne told the House of Commons. “Don’t leave me hanging on like a yo-yo.”

As unemployment, inflation and HIV infection rates have all exploded in the ten months since the Tories returned to power, Cameron and Clegg are now advising that there is nothing left to do but get out the hair spray and blue eye shadow.

In his budget announcement, Osborne declared that a new era was about to begin, 30 years ago.

“We have to go back,” he said. “Back to the Eighties.”

Cameron supported his chancellor, also arguing that it was right to invade Libya, since those pesky Argentinians had way overstepped the mark.

“Take one last glimpse into the night I’m touching close I’m holding bright, holding tight,” the prime minister said.

“She’s more than an Iron Lady – girls on film.

“Girls on film.”

Since the Cold War was nearly over and Chernobyl had wrecked everyone’s nuclear wet dreams, Cameron said it would be impossible to generate the 1.21 gigawatts needed to get us out of another decade of industrial disputes.

back to the eighties

“The only thing that will generate that kind of power is a government that isn’t full of lying, cheating bastards who worship Margaret Thatcher and spend every night in bed with Britain’s tax dodging elite,” admitted Durcam Durcam.

Meanwhile, deputy prime minister Nick Clegg is now trying to get past the split-screen level of Pac-Man.

“We have to show them that you’re really not scared, we’re playing with your life, this ain’t no truth or dare,” Clegg muttered as a software bug ended his chances of receiving a congratulatory letter from Ronald Reagan.

“We’ll kick you, then we beat you, then we’ll tell you it’s fair.

“So beat it, just beat it.”

We know who’s wrong and who’s right.

We won’t be defeated.


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