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Anarchists Plan Takeover Of Britain

anarchist racoonAnarchists have drawn up plans for when they expect to gain control of Britain in four years’ time.

A group representing the political philosophy welcomed the recent fall in economic activity and the announcement of a referendum on Britain’s membership of the European Union (EU), claiming they would be ready to take control immediately afterwards.

A spokeswoman for the Association of Angry Anarchists with Good Hygiene (AAAGH!) told us, here at The Taxman: “By extrapolating contemporaneous trends, we can hypothesise that by 2017 Britain’s public sector and gross domestic product will have been eradicated by Chancellor of the Exchequer, the Right Honourable George Osborne MP.

“Without an operational economy or state system, the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland will be reliant on the European Union for its governance.

“If the UK citizens who are permitted and who choose to participate in the referendum on EU membership in 2017 vote to reject this membership, the UK will, at that moment henceforth, be ungoverned.

“And that’s when we take control.”

Britain is facing the likely prospect of a ‘triple-dip’ recession this year, thanks to Osborne’s dedicated dismantling of the public sector, while David Cameron’s announcement of an EU vote will give the country’s racist and xenophobic community a welcome chance to register their bigoted disgust at a full plethora of continental ethnic and cultural groupings.

AAAGH! said it was encouraged by the recent moves made by the government toward total anarchy, would be keeping a close eye on the situation and remained “ready to step in if necessary”.

The anarchist spokeswoman added: “We’re gonna fucking trash this place yeah, fucking tear it up man. This is gonna be ravin’.

“Clegg’s gonna be our bitch, like a dog. Woof, woof! Down with the police.”

One flagship AAAGH! policy that would be immediately implemented is the universal squatting of royal residences. Experts predict the move would entirely solve the country’s housing crisis.

Other policies include not recolonising Africa, not causing earthquakes to extract fossil fuels, not spending £32billion on a London shuttle for rich people and not forcing people with cancer to go to work.

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