Breaking News: Shi'ite religion vindicated over bid to bomb Nairn...
You Are Here: Home » Music » Rihanna’s nipples are not the only Barbadian asset that should be covered up

Rihanna’s nipples are not the only Barbadian asset that should be covered up

Rihanna's nips blacked outNow I’m not usually the first person you’ll hear complaining about indecent exposure, but when it comes to the murky assets of an island that is making me millions, I want them to be kept safely covered up with the kind of security that only a bra, or an offshore bank account, can provide.

Yes, I want Rihanna’s nipples to remain a closely-guarded state secret.

Shame on you, Lui, for providing the platform upon which the Barbadian pop princess could expose her bare chest to the world.

Luckily for us, and by us I mean myself and the board of Barclays, the remainder of Barbados remains a secret haven for tax evasion and avoidance by the rich and powerful.

And that’s the way it should stay. Not splashed all over a French men’s magazine, or exposed by some sort of anti-poverty charity. No. The secrets of lax financial regularity in Barbados should remain exactly that: Secret.

The reasons for this will soon become apparent. Rihanna’s singing career is about to take a nose-dive. In a few months’ time, once the dust has settled on this shameless episode of needless exposure, the only thing she’ll be good for is an ITV fly-on-the-wall documentary.

Unlike Barclays. We celebrated the independence of Barbados from Britain, and creation of the Caribbean’s latest offshore financial paradise, by donating a 50-acre park – Barclays Park – to the government.

With our help, it’s been a haven for hiding dodgy tax dealings ever since.

You see, secrecy is what Barclays is all about, and it’ll take more than a few quid from some glossy magazine, or a bit of protesting outside our AGM, to change that fact.

web design by clickcreations
Scroll to top