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Mercury Music Prize 2011

bank of jimmy and trishOh, so now The Taxman want me back, eh? To review some shambles of an award show, huh? Well screw you. Yeah, that’s right, you can turn your review sideways, shine it up real nice, and shove it straight up your – oh, wait.

Now I think about it, these Mercury Music Awards sponsored by Barclaycard aren’t so bad after all. They’re actually almost as fun and rewarding as a zero percent balance transfer deal.

Wow, imagine that. No interest whatsoever on any purchases in the first three months and only 17.5 APR after that. I bet Mercury Music Prize shortlister Anna Calvi knows what great value that is.

She’s got a good brain on those shoulders of hers. She knows how rare it is to get £20 off the handling fee for balances over £2,000. Wow, what a deal!

And for sure, that Tinie Tempah guy knows where it’s at when it comes to assumed credit limits of £1,200. For shizzle.

Katy B is all over it, too. She’d never have been able to write her Mercury Music Prize shortlisted debut album, On a Mission, without generous cash withdrawal rates of just 27.9 APR.

This is terrific, just terrific. The show the other night, earlier this week, it was just amazing. Adele is a great live act, just great. And what a deserving winner Barclaycard is of the Defaqto five-star rating.

If only it wasn’t another whole year until it all happens again. Maybe next time Elbow can go one better and jump up and grab that prize they’ve been striving their whole careers for. Build a rocket, boys!

And PJ Harvey, well girl, maybe if you keep improving, in another ten years or so you might finally produce a good enough credit rating to lay your hands on that gleaming blue plastic oblong of pure joy.

Is that it, is that enough guys? Can I be a judge on your panel now? Look, I’ve got an amazing track record of spotting new talent, unearthing amazing new albums.

Pllleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaassse? I’ll make it worth your while. Just tell me where to put my mouth.


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