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David Goo Variety Band: World Domination

sperm fertilizing eggI’ve found it, I’ve finally found it! That new sound Barclaycard has been looking for! This is a band that will dominate the world in years to come, much more so than any global banking giant capable of holding governments to ransom.

And why will this, so-called, ‘David Goo Variety Band’, dominate the world? Erm, because that’s what they sing about on their debut album. And when on Earth have lyrics ever been wrong?

With World Domination, Mr Goo and his merry cohorts have produced a fine record bursting with spunk. Spunk, more spunk, and a hot chick called Drane. Listening carefully to this music sat naked in my study, I concluded that it must have been Drane who drained the spunk from Mr Goo.

Either Drane, or that Psycho Lady on track ten. She ain’t half spunky as well. But in any case, World Domination is orgasmic stuff.

I mean, there’s the violinist who I’m told uses a naturally occurring hair gel. There’s the drummer who loves to bash one out. And there’s also the bassist who’s fingers can do magical things.

Lest I forget the keyboardist who loves a cheeky sax interlude, or the vocalist who is female. Did I miss anyone out? Ah, Mr Goo! I have judged thee. The Goo spooes everywhere. And I mean everywhere.

In conclusion, I will be recommending this album for a Mercury Music Prize, as one of the award’s self-appointed judges. I trust that this recommendation will result in a nomination next summer.

For it would be a foolish multi-national banking conglomerate which ignored the artistic criticism of a sex-obsessed pensioner who thinks an MP3 player is a participant in a sport of some kind.

Goo! Wouldn’t you?


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