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We’re the only hope you’ve got!

Ed Miliband tries to ignore Tony BlairCan’t find work? Had your benefits taken away? Been made homeless? You’re probably hoping there’s a major political party out there which can stop the Con-Dem Coalition in its tracks.

Has your local A&E ward been closed down? Fire station under threat? Library converted into a betting shop? What you need is a viable opposition to this wanton destruction, a party which is planning to reestablish all of these important services as soon as it gets into office.

Can’t afford those darn university fees? Worried about Muslims? Been miss-sold PFI? You probably think you can vote out Cameron and Clegg and get a completely different type of government.

Well, you’re almost right! The Labour Party is back and we’re going to try and solve one of your problems, and create a couple more for luck, because we’re nice like that. But don’t just take our word for it. Look at our track record.

The first Labour government in 1924 built half-a-million homes for rent by the working class. Our government of 1945-1951 created the welfare state and the National Health Service. In the 1960s we legalised homosexuality and abortion. Weren’t we awesome 50 years ago?

Ok, so, in the 70s there were loads of power cuts and strikes and a loan from the IMF. We got booted out after a vote of no confidence in 1979 and couldn’t get back into power in the 1980s despite the spawn of Satan occupying Number 10. When we returned in 1997 we deregulated the banks, privatised anything that moved, launched an illegal war, took away your civil rights and gave £50billion to a bunch of crooks.

But look, we’ve changed a little. We’re run by Ed Miliband and Ed Balls now. Neither of us supported any of the bad things the last Labour government did to further our careers. No, this is a different Labour Party, run by different people with different agendas.

We’ve learned from the mistakes of the people from that last fascist Labour government, who weren’t the same people as us. We’ll never ever take our founding principles and flush them down the toilet, in the same way they did. In fact, Harriet Harman is retrieving them right now with a plunger.

This is why, if you vote for us in 2015, we’re going to do something different to what the Con-Dem Coalition is doing right now. Not substantially different, but different enough.

Doesn’t that sound appealing? No? Well, Clement Attlee isn’t complaining. And he’s still alive, right?

Go on, vote for us, we’re the only hope you’ve got. Aren’t we?

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