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When’s the next plane to Mali?

A new garden fence

Bloody immigration control. Who would have thought that the Malian government could be so authoritarian?

Next time I’ll get in as a meteorological refugee. See how they like that.

Weekend

You’ll be absolutely beside yourself with joy when I tell you that the worst of the storms will have dissipated by Saturday, but don’t get too excited because we’ll have a cold front to contend with instead. A touch of frost will cover most parts of the country on Sunday, but that afternoon stroll in the park should be risk-free as bright sunshine will thaw it all out by mid-morning. Better put a scarf on though.

Monday

Another chilly morning will require a blast of the thermos-controls in the car on the way to work. Ear-muffs and gloves may be required in addition to the scarves as temperatures will hardly rise above seven or eight degrees all day long. Where am I, Alaska? It could be worse though, at least it’s not going to rain.

Tuesday

I knew it! I knew I’d bloody jinxed it! Light drizzle will cover much of the south of the country pretty much all day. Bloody joke isn’t it? We can’t go one week without rain. When’s the next plane to Mali? Better turn up the heating when you get home too, it’s not getting any warmer.

Wednesday

I know that its winter and you have to mentally prepare yourself for the wet stuff at this time of year, but please, just lay off it long enough for me to paint my new garden fence after the last one bloody blew down last week. I beg you! Get your umbrellas out. I’m going to put Malian Airways on speed dial.

Thursday

More rain. I thought that I would be able to handle it, but just thinking about walking outside and feeling that cold, harsh, precipitation run down my brow is to cower in the nearest bus shelter. And the one thing I hate more than rain is public transport. It’s going to be a bloody nightmare. My flight leaves Saturday.

Friday

Cancel that flight! It’s going to snow on Friday! Halle-bloody-lujah! Overnight snowfall across England and Wales will leave us all with at least a couple of inches of the glorious white stuff. That’s right, it’s snowman time! And the best bit? Those poor sods in Scotland will be getting rain instead! Ha ha! It’d never happen in Mali!




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