Breaking News: Minnesota Vikings father-in-law in training pitch tax evasion shock...
You Are Here: Home » Weather » This British spring is an absolute scorcher

This British spring is an absolute scorcher

Champagne and strawberries

I’m so glad winter has finally passed, I tell you, after losing £31.8billion in Las Vegas, the freezing downpours of the last few months took me to the brink of suicide.

But now spring has firmly announced its presence, I am looking forward to a long, hot summer. The kind of summer where you can fry eggs on the pavement and ‘accidentally’ poison your wife. Life is good.

Monday

Ahhh, what a beautiful day. The blossom is blooming, the sheep are shagging and my pet tortoise Timmy is out of hibernation. I’m so happy, I could weep. But I won’t do that because I’m a hot, raging beast of a man.

Tuesday

This British spring is an absolute scorcher. I tell you what ladies, it’s not just the farm animals that are feeling frisky right now. If you know what I mean? Visit my website if you don’t.

Wednesday

Not quite as hot as previous days, but I’d still expect there to be plenty of strawberries out there ripening nicely. I should have some on my roof terrace, in fact. Right next to a bottle of champagne in a bucket of ice.

Thursday

According to my contact at the Met Office, Thursday will see the return of some wintry weather. I wouldn’t trust him though, he does work for the Met Office after all. Me, on the other hand, I work for nobody.

Friday

Wait a second. That can’t be right. Surely, there’s been some mistake? This is April, right? April the seventh? Bloody hell. I’ve completely forgotten my mother’s birthday. Sorry mummy.




Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestEmail this to someoneShare on RedditShare on TumblrFlattr the authorShare on StumbleUponDigg thisShare on Google+Share on LinkedInBuffer this page
Share

Leave a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

web design by clickcreations
Scroll to top