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The evil of tax inevitably leads to recession, always

Boris Island

I was on a flight back from Switzerland last week when the clouds parted just long enough for me to catch a glimpse of the beautiful Hoo Peninsula in the Thames Estuary. It was so stunning, and so well-connected to the capital, I only wished there had been a nice big stretch of tarmac there for our pilot to land.

Instead, we had to continue over squalid south London before being forced into a holding pattern for half-an-hour above Hounslow. If only someone out there had the flair and the vision required to solve this aeronautical quandary. If only!

Monday

You know what else needs sorting out, those darn hippies at St Paul’s Cathedral. They need sweeping back to the gutter ASAP. I can’t believe their audacity, I mean, seriously, all they do is sit in their tents all day playing guitar and smoking weed, and then they complain that they’re not getting any bonuses. Earth to hippy! Bonuses have to be earned! Morons.

Tuesday

We wouldn’t be in this economic mess in the first place if we hadn’t been taxing our top companies so much, you know. The evil of tax inevitably leads to recession, always. Think about it. No tax, more profit, more bonuses, more money for us and less for the government to waste on public services and all that bollocks. It’s not rocket science!

Wednesday

While I’m at it, those bloody tube travellers are always bloody complaining aren’t they? “Oh gosh, look, I’ve been besmirched by TfL, it’s all so slow and expensive, oh gosh, oh no, blah blah blah.” Give me a break. The tube is cheap as chips, they should be grateful. You know how much it cost me for a chauffeur from Heathrow to Kensington? Sixty bloody quid, that’s how much. If anyone should be slashing their fares, it’s Luxury City Cars Ltd, the bloody thieves.

Thursday

Don’t even get me started on the Congestion Charge and those bloody fucking bendy buses. Just do not get me started.

Friday

But you know what we actually need more of in London, right? Smog. Thick, grey smog. It works for China – their economy is growing by ten per cent each year. I visited Beijing in 2008 and I promise you, the air pollution did me wonders.

Weekend

Wow, it’s the weekend already, and I almost forget to give you the weather forecast! How remiss of me! You can see it here.



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