Breaking News: David Laws is going to terminate your granddaughter next Thursday...
You Are Here: Home » Weather » I’d hate to be a weatherman in Canada right now

I’d hate to be a weatherman in Canada right now

The Canadian flagI’d like to dedicate this seven-day weather forecast to all my long-suffering brothers in Canada.

We may share a head of state, but Canadian meteorologists might as well be reporting the weather in North fucking Korea. Where else do you need permission from the prime minister just to tell people the goddam truth?

Monday

In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m royally pissed off this week. And given that it’s the first week of June, that’s going some. At this time of year the only three things that are likely to get me upset are rain, an STI, or censorship. Now, to get all bloody three at the same time is taking the piss just a little bit, don’t you think?

Tuesday

So I got a phone call from my mate in Toronto last week. He told me: “Jim, it’s happened. We got the call from Harper. We can’t say shit no more.” My mate, like me, is an outspoken little so-and-so. When it comes to the weather, he doesn’t hold back. He’ll tell you straight. If you’re about to die in an ice storm, he’ll call your family and give them the bad news before you’ve even turned the heating up. So I knew he was serious. Stephen Harper, the Canadian PM, had finally gone with the nuclear option.

Wednesday

From now on, no Canadian weatherman can talk about the climate. Weather, fine. Climate, banned. How much sense does that make? It’s censorship, plain and simple. Harper says weathermen aren’t qualified to talk about the climate and how it may or may not change in the future. So he’s gagged every one of them. It’s a dark day for meteorology, let me tell you. And it’s a dark day for anyone out there who wants to know the truth.

Thursday

Over the last eight years reporting the weather for The Taxman I’ve not held back one jot. If I’ve thought you should know something because it’s important, I’ve bloody well told you. And I know you thank me for it everyday. How many myths have I debunked? Shit loads. But in Canada? I’d be in solitary confinement by now. Where does that leave us? Where does that leave you? And where does that leave the planet?

Friday

It is surely the duty of weathermen all over the world to tell their listeners and their readers exactly what is going on with our climate. They need to shout it from the rooftops. They need to scream it. Because, hell, you ain’t going to hear the truth from anyone else. The news reporters don’t tell you what’s going on. The sports reporters don’t tell you what’s going on. The crime correspondents are too busy getting sued to tell you what the deal with the climate is. So it’s us, it’s the weathermen. We tell you. We tell you exactly how much all of this ‘climate change’ stuff is bollocks. And, yup, it’s most of it. Most of it is bollocks.

Weekend

I’d hate to be a weatherman in Canada right now. And, as I told my mate in Toronto, I advise all Canadian meteorologists to get out while they still can. There’s no point in staying, surely. What good can be achieved by simply telling people the next day’s weather, if you can’t then go on an epic ramble about how much the scientists are being paid by the renewables industry and about how, if anything, the ice caps are getting colder and polar bears are going to invade your village?



Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestEmail this to someoneShare on RedditShare on TumblrFlattr the authorShare on StumbleUponDigg thisShare on Google+Share on LinkedInBuffer this page
Share
web design by clickcreations
Scroll to top