Breaking News: Simon Cowell 'keeps secret bank account in Osaka'...
You Are Here: Home » Weather » I don’t care what my psychologist says, I hate bloody rain

I don’t care what my psychologist says, I hate bloody rain

A pavement-fried egg

Having just awoken from a self-induced coma following my overdose on anti-depressants, I am completely unaware of the last couple months’ weather. I keep asking people, but they refuse to tell me.

I’m now seeing a psychologist, who has already diagnosed me with ‘hydrophobia’, a fear of precipitation. Apparently it’s common in my profession.

Weekend

One thing I’ve learned in my daily counseling sessions is to look on the bright side of dark and gloomy weather. So this weekend, the wet conditions will be fantastic news for all those slugs out there. That is, until I squash them, because I hate the bloody things.

Monday

The wind and rain will allow homeless people to get a good wash, and hopefully not stink next time I’m forced to walk past them.

Tuesday

Heavy rain will bring joy to all those who enjoy catching a good cold.

Wednesday

Sod it. Sod it to hell. I don’t care what my psychologist says, I hate bloody rain.

Thursday

It’s so hot in Greece right now they’re frying eggs on the pavement. I tried to fry an egg on Kensington High Street this morning, now my wife’s got food poisoning. I don’t know, you try to do something nice by cooking breakfast and what do you get in return? Nothing but hassle. Where’s my divorce lawyer?

Friday

That’s it, I’m off to Greece on my long-overdue summer holiday. And I’m packing four dozen free-range for good measure. Hopefully when I get back my ex-wife will still be in hospital.




Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestEmail this to someoneShare on RedditShare on TumblrFlattr the authorShare on StumbleUponDigg thisShare on Google+Share on LinkedInBuffer this page
Share

Leave a Comment

You must be logged in to post a comment.

web design by clickcreations
Scroll to top