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Tragedy Strikes Stabbing Contest

The world’s first official stabbing contest has ended in tragedy after one of the semi-finalists was hit by a limousine outside the event’s venue.

Bradley Palembo, 13, is in a critical condition in hospital and doctors say he is unlikely to ever stab again.


War On Truth

Nato launched a new military strategy this week, one they claim will redefine the way we all perceive our ephemeral reality.

The ‘War on Truth’ will attack our very state of consciousness, infiltrating our minds and skewing our rational thought processes.


GCSE Exams Now Easier Than Writing Headlines

Record GCSE results have prompted fresh concerns over the dumbing-down of school exams, with some papers now reportedly easier than writing pun-laden tabloid headlines and generic news stories recycled from previous years.

Today the GCSE pass-rate rose for the billionth consecutive year to 112 percent, with more A grades being served up than school dinners.


Mindless Thugs Rebuild Community Centre

A bunch of drunken yobs completely rebuilt a Gloucestershire community centre last night, in an act of mindless violence.

Between the hours of 1 and 2am, about a dozen mindless thugs descended on to the ruined remains of the Thornbury Community Centre and set about rebuilding it from scratch, using the existing foundations to construct a post-modernist structure of fine architectural heritage.


Missing Child ‘Still Missing’

Madeleine McCann – the British toddler who disappeared in Portugal – is still missing.

The news is a massive blow to anyone who wants to know what is actually happening in Britain at the moment.


US School Children To Be Issued With Firearms

The US government will be issuing guns to school children in a bid to curb gun crime.

Following a spate of fatal school shootings across the country, US schools will be fully equipped with a range of firearms within the next 48 hours.

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