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I’ve submitted an application form to Dragon’s Den

Spring has arrived at last. But even better than that, the patent has come through on my idea that will save the world. Yes, that’s right. I, Jim Wetherman, am ready to launch the Big World Saving Plan.


Back To the Eighties

Duran Duran are at number one, everyone’s got shit haircuts and corporation tax is getting slashed, George Osborne has announced.


BBC Denies Bias Towards the Truth

The director-general of the BBC has moved to quell the latest furore over the corporation’s impartiality by categorically denying any bias towards honest, fact-based journalism.

Mark Thompson’s secretary explained in a statement today that the BBC‘s constitution forbids it from presenting anything close to an accurate representation of what is actually happening in the world.


Students To Be Assaulted By Ministers Daily

University students in England and Wales will have to endure a daily beating by ministers, the government has announced.

The compulsory assaults will be targeted at vulnerable areas of the body such as the head, abdomen and groin, with the aim to gradually wear down the student until they are hospitalised.


I don’t need to know the offside rule to know that this World Cup has been fucking hijacked

Welcome to South Africa. Once again, The Taxman have sent me packing on a trip to some random country in the middle of some random continent because, apparently, there is something important happening out here.

But what would I know about any sodding football tournament when I’m holed up here in my hotel room vomiting like a 19-year-old in a cider house on his birthday? How did they think a chronic asthmatic would feel 1,200 metres above sea level?


Murdoch Orgasm Stains British Conscience

Gallons of Australian semen exploded all over Britain today, leaving a sticky stain on the country’s soul.

Rupert Murdoch’s British media network finally let out a synchronised, screaming sigh of relief as the man they had been sleeping with for six months entered 10 Downing Street for the first time as prime minister, on Tuesday night.

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