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Murdoch Orgasm Stains British Conscience

Gallons of Australian semen exploded all over Britain today, leaving a sticky stain on the country’s soul.

Rupert Murdoch’s British media network finally let out a synchronised, screaming sigh of relief as the man they had been sleeping with for six months entered 10 Downing Street for the first time as prime minister, on Tuesday night.

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Bush Passes Presidential Assassination Bill

Outgoing American president George W. Bush has passed a last-minute legislative bill allowing for the assassination of the US president from Wednesday onwards.

In his last act as commander in chief, Bush said he was delighted to offer “hope for the future” to the millions of racists, sexists, homophobes, xenophobes, millionaires, hunters, gatherers, cavemen, cowboys and fascists who have supported him during his eight-year term.

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Bush Plot To Oust Schwarzenegger Foiled After Arnie Kills All the Bad Guys

The Bush administration was left reeling last night after its carefully devised plan to oust the Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, was thwarted in blockbuster fashion.

Schwarzenegger battled against the odds and overcame, among other things; laser gunfire, missile strikes, invisible alien life forms and seemingly indestructible robots before finally killing all the bad guys in a bloody finale.

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