Margaret Thatcher has privatised the Afterlife just hours after arriving there.

Heavenly services which provide the deceased with unlimited flows of wine, chocolate, smoked cheeses and sexual gratification are among those to have been contracted out to morally contemptuous corporations by the former British prime minister.

Letting your grandparents freeze to death is now cheaper than ever, according to the ‘big six’ energy companies.

The frustrated offspring of old fogies across Britain are celebrating the huge savings to be made from finally dispatching the elderly members of their family in 2013, after the latest series of price hikes came into force.

Never has so much discussion arisen from the asking of a question to which the answer is so short and so simple and so blindingly obvious.

How do we increase aviation capacity in the UK?

After the epic Great British summer we have had, the drug of competition has got many of us hooked. We want more.

We want more sprint finishes, more dives for the line, more forehand winners, more ippons. Hell, we don’t just want to see it again, we want to do it all ourselves.

Every state school playing field in the country will be sold to an IT company because they’re too muddy, the government has announced.

Heralding the start of the London 2012 Paralympics, Education Secretary Michael Gove said a fire sale of school playing fields would secure a permanent legacy for the Games.

London 2012 may not be hit by a deadly wave of suicide bombings after Al-Qaeda admitted it passed its responsibility for terrorism to a private contractor.

The revelation came as the London Organising Committee of the Olympic Games (Locog) staged a practice drill for a terrorist attack during the opening ceremony, at which bomb-laden martyrs were expected to rip a hole in the Olympic Stadium.

David Cameron and his coalition government are doing everything within their power to destroy the British state.

The Conservative Party hate the idea of a big, overarching government providing lots of useful public services, and since winning back power two years ago they have pursued every avenue they could find in order to scale down the state’s ambitions.