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BBC Denies Bias Towards the Truth

The director-general of the BBC has moved to quell the latest furore over the corporation’s impartiality by categorically denying any bias towards honest, fact-based journalism.

Mark Thompson’s secretary explained in a statement today that the BBC‘s constitution forbids it from presenting anything close to an accurate representation of what is actually happening in the world.

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Cameron Bald Patch ‘Should Definitely Not Be Used As a Metaphor’

Downing Street has warned journalists, bloggers and The Taxman‘s caretaker that under absolutely no circumstances whatsoever should the bald patch now visible on the prime minister’s cranium be used as any kind of metaphor, not even for the gaping chasm of intelligence at the heart of this new government.

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It’s good to hate!

Are you xenophobic, racist and/or fascist? Fed up with foreigners taking your jobs, raping your wives and fitting your kitchens?

Do you feel increasingly isolated in a country that is now basically a Muslim state full of people from Bongo Bongo Land?

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Gaza Doesn’t Exist and Neither Does Your Mother, IDF Spokesperson Claims

We’re all a bunch of Jew-hating Nazis who deserve to die and if we say anything nasty about Israel again we’re going to be sorry, very sorry.

That was the stern “off-the-record” warning to journalists today from Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who has also just offered us half-price tickets to the World Cup Final and a free bottle of Kosher wine.

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Murdoch Orgasm Stains British Conscience

Gallons of Australian semen exploded all over Britain today, leaving a sticky stain on the country’s soul.

Rupert Murdoch’s British media network finally let out a synchronised, screaming sigh of relief as the man they had been sleeping with for six months entered 10 Downing Street for the first time as prime minister, on Tuesday night.

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Colourful Language Not Welcome On Our Fascist TV Programmes, Says BBC

The BBC has this morning expressed its regret that a special fascist edition of Question Time was last night littered with rude, offensive swear words.

The producers of the show say they had to bleep the words ‘fucking’ and ‘cunt’ because they did not comply with the corporation’s policy on the use of colourful language during fascist programming.

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