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Mess Left By Labour Getting Messier

The government has lost its top hygiene rating because of the huge mess dumped outside 10 Downing Street.

Britain is now rated CRAAAP and will only regain its cleanliness certificate if it finally clears up the stinking heap in Westminster, which grows bigger and bigger by the day.

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Lies, damned lies and a Liberal Con

After the election of 2005, I wrote an obituary for British democracy. Now in 2010, we are promised that things will change.

Clegg and Cameron tell us our democracy will be revived, resurrected, reformed. We want to believe them, but something’s stopping us. It’s the lies. The big stinking pile of lies.

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Third TV Leaders’ Debate To Be Staged Inside 16ft Steel Cage

The leaders of Britain’s top three political parties will contest the third and final live television debate inside a 16-foot steel cage, under the authority of Stone Cold Steve Austin.

The move is seen as an attempt to encourage Gordon Brown, Nick Clegg and David Cameron to annihilate each other prior to the General Election on 6th May.

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Give us our country back

In a land now largely owned and leased back from corporations, the role of the state could not be in more doubt.

From Thatcher to Major to Blair to Brown, the transfer of our public services to private enterprise has proceeded unabated for over 30 years. It is likely to continue, whoever wins on 6th May. But is it really important who serves us? So long as we get what we need, does it matter if the water we drink is contaminated with greed?

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Calls for Inquiry Into Iraq Inquiry

Campaigners have called for an inquiry to hear evidence that the Iraq War Inquiry is illegal and should not be taking place.

Nothing has yet been discovered about the war which was not already bleeding fucking obvious to a blindfolded monkey, while the key protagonists of the atrocity have been subjected to nothing more than a severe armpit tickling.

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Colourful Language Not Welcome On Our Fascist TV Programmes, Says BBC

The BBC has this morning expressed its regret that a special fascist edition of Question Time was last night littered with rude, offensive swear words.

The producers of the show say they had to bleep the words ‘fucking’ and ‘cunt’ because they did not comply with the corporation’s policy on the use of colourful language during fascist programming.

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