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Reading Daily Express Causes Brain Failure

Serious concerns were raised yesterday about the psychological effects of reading the Daily Express.

Doctors say scores of people are coming forward with brain complaints after being exposed to the xenophobic vitriol emitted by the tabloid.

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Doctors To Spend NHS Budget On Lobbying for Euthanasia

A survey of General Practitioners (GPs) has shown that if the coalition government pushed through its health reforms and gave them control of budgets, they would spend all of it on lobbying for euthanasia and various other new laws.

Top of the shopping list for the nation’s doctors is permission to let any terminal patients with no quality of life die, instead of forcing them to exist in a semi-conscious, undignified, taxpayers’ money-sapping state during their inexorable decline.

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Holy shit, it’s snowing! In winter!

Brrrrrrrrrrrrr. I’m cold, very cold. And not just because I’ve gone six days without any action.

Britain has frozen solid and is now basically just a big iceberg off the coast of France. Does this mean I can skive off work? No, you lazy retards, I’m going to give you your seven-day weather forecast, whether or not I have to get out my shovel.

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Give us our country back

In a land now largely owned and leased back from corporations, the role of the state could not be in more doubt.

From Thatcher to Major to Blair to Brown, the transfer of our public services to private enterprise has proceeded unabated for over 30 years. It is likely to continue, whoever wins on 6th May. But is it really important who serves us? So long as we get what we need, does it matter if the water we drink is contaminated with greed?

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Old People More Likely To Die

Britain’s old folk are more likely to die than their younger counterparts, a chilling health report has warned.

Blanketing the over-65s with a thick veil of extreme terror, the Healthcare for Dummies article has sent chills down the spine of old people everywhere.

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Obama Thinks Americans Can Go Shove Their Healthcare

US President Barack Obama wished this week that the millions of moronic, idiot Americans protesting against his plans to give them better healthcare should go die somewhere quietly and leave him in peace.

In a dramatic departure from his conciliatory speeches urging unity and calm on the issue, Obama’s usually cool exterior was finally exposed this week when brain waves intercepted by The Taxman showed what the 48-year-old really thinks.

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Arctic Monkeys: Humbug

Those fine gentleman at The Taxman were so delighted with my considered tribute to Michael Jackson that they asked me to write some more long-player reviews for them.

Who am I to argue with that? Well, I told them to go shove it at first, but after an hour of shock therapy I came round.

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