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Government Strike Multi-Quadrillion Pound Deal With Devil

The British government has moved to ease credit-flow problems in Hell by handing Satan £666,000,000,000,000 (666 trillion) in cash, with a further £6,000,000,000,000,000 (six quadrillion) available by postal order.

The much-anticipated pact with the Devil is an attempt to ease the unprecedented liquidity crisis in Hell’s molten melting-pots.

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Credit Crunch Not As Good As Other Breakfast Cereals

Disasters of epic proportions are currently hitting the Western World regions of Wall Street and The City, with thousands of capitalist profiteers no longer wearing their suits.

In what is collectively being dubbed ‘the credit crunch’, where once there were puppet-masters smiling and dancing free atop great mountains of pretty green paper; there now lie cold, dark, empty vaults.

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Rich Nations Agree On Climate Disagreement

The G8 Summit in Japan this week has ended with a landmark disagreement on climate change as the leaders of the world’s richest nations all agreed to settle their differences at next years’ meeting.

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Transport Secretary To Humanely Kill Billions Of People

Transport secretary Ruth Kelly has announced a humane programme of genocide.

It follows last week’s announcement of a third runway at Heathrow Airport, which cemented Britain’s indefensible hypocrisy and set an historical precedent that will ensure the deaths of billions of people this century from the effects of man-made climate change.

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Diana Died Ten Years Ago

A Duke of Edinburgh-piloted Apache helicopter forced Diana’s Mercedes to crash in a Paris tunnel last decade, according to The Taxman’s latest source.

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Missing Child ‘Still Missing’

Madeleine McCann – the British toddler who disappeared in Portugal – is still missing.

The news is a massive blow to anyone who wants to know what is actually happening in Britain at the moment.

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