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Bastard Bankers Beaten By British Backslap

Bankers will keep their bonuses this year if they are each able to find an individual of working age who doesn’t know how to use a calculator, British taxpayers have announced.

Their bonuses will be doubled if they can find a school pupil who doesn’t know the difference between an upward curve and a downward curve.

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Rail Bosses Devise Innovative New Way To Delay Trains

Level crossings in Britain will be reconfigured to make trains stop and wait for passing motor vehicles, the government has announced.

Rail passengers will have to stand and watch streams of road traffic whizz by, as train services are forced to patiently give way.

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It’s good to hate!

Are you xenophobic, racist and/or fascist? Fed up with foreigners taking your jobs, raping your wives and fitting your kitchens?

Do you feel increasingly isolated in a country that is now basically a Muslim state full of people from Bongo Bongo Land?

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Lies, damned lies and a Liberal Con

After the election of 2005, I wrote an obituary for British democracy. Now in 2010, we are promised that things will change.

Clegg and Cameron tell us our democracy will be revived, resurrected, reformed. We want to believe them, but something’s stopping us. It’s the lies. The big stinking pile of lies.

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Third TV Leaders’ Debate To Be Staged Inside 16ft Steel Cage

The leaders of Britain’s top three political parties will contest the third and final live television debate inside a 16-foot steel cage, under the authority of Stone Cold Steve Austin.

The move is seen as an attempt to encourage Gordon Brown, Nick Clegg and David Cameron to annihilate each other prior to the General Election on 6th May.

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