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Twenty-twelve: A year to remember

Twenty-twelve. So glorious. So pure. This was the year Britain came back fighting. From what, we’re not so sure.

We celebrated our monarch’s diamond jubilee, and cut those benefits so dear, to stop the scroungers getting something out of life for free.

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Why else would they hold crucial climate talks in a country with the third-largest natural gas reserves in the world?

Apparently there was some sort of climate conference held in Qatar last week. Personally, I think it’s a good idea to put the issue back on the agenda again. Let’s face it, 2012 has been fucking freezing.

Jesus, I almost bloody drowned. So why shouldn’t we start discussing ways to start heating the Earth again? I mean, why else would they hold crucial climate talks in a country with the third-largest natural gas reserves in the world?

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Angela Merkel ‘Stockpiling Coal’

German Chancellor Angela Merkel is believed to be stockpiling coal as part of a plan to impoverish millions of labourers across Europe.

Mountains of the fossil fuel have been spotted adjacent to each of the treasuries of France, Greece, Spain, Portugal, Italy and Ireland as Merkel prepares to win control of their money supplies.

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Healthy Planet “Financially Non-Viable”

Saving the planet would cause a new financial crisis, The Taxman can exclusively reveal.

The discovery was made by the personal assistants of world leaders at the Rio+20 Earth Summit, who wrote a secret document that we found buried under a whale carcass on Copacabana beach.

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Caught in the middle

The battleground for the future of humanity has been clearly marked.

On one side are the masses, a vast majority of the population of the globe, armed with nothing but their own passion, energy, heart and intelligence.

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