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Fuck the government, fuck you all

I need to be honest. I have no clue what the weather’s going to be like this week.

It will probably rain, it could equally be dry, maybe a bit of both, a little snow, some hail, a few cats, the odd dog and my uncle Sam. One thing I do know is, there’s a big black cloud hanging over my life.

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Doctors To Spend NHS Budget On Lobbying for Euthanasia

A survey of General Practitioners (GPs) has shown that if the coalition government pushed through its health reforms and gave them control of budgets, they would spend all of it on lobbying for euthanasia and various other new laws.

Top of the shopping list for the nation’s doctors is permission to let any terminal patients with no quality of life die, instead of forcing them to exist in a semi-conscious, undignified, taxpayers’ money-sapping state during their inexorable decline.

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Rail Bosses Devise Innovative New Way To Delay Trains

Level crossings in Britain will be reconfigured to make trains stop and wait for passing motor vehicles, the government has announced.

Rail passengers will have to stand and watch streams of road traffic whizz by, as train services are forced to patiently give way.

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Where the fuck do they think they’re going?

This world is on the brink, but its leaders have decided to call it a day. ‘Two weeks in Mexico was lovely and everything, but it’s time we went home to continue oppressing our citizens.’

A partial agreement to sort of hopefully reduce global carbon emissions by an unspecified amount within an uncertain period of time without any concrete method of doing so is a perfectly acceptable way to end the 16th annual UN climate change conference for the unfairly elected governments of this world.

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I’m quietly formulating a plan to save the world

I’ve been thinking a lot over the summer about how humans are influencing our climate; what with all the floods, heatwaves and volcanic eruptions we’ve had. I’m even formulating a plan to save the world. But more on that later.

In the meantime, I need to concentrate on forecasting this week’s weather. All of those juicy, ripe blackberries. All of those golden, autumn leaves, falling, spiralling down to the crisp, frost-biten floor. And a fresh, cool wind blows. Yes, I definitely fucking hate this time of year.

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Gaza Doesn’t Exist and Neither Does Your Mother, IDF Spokesperson Claims

We’re all a bunch of Jew-hating Nazis who deserve to die and if we say anything nasty about Israel again we’re going to be sorry, very sorry.

That was the stern “off-the-record” warning to journalists today from Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, who has also just offered us half-price tickets to the World Cup Final and a free bottle of Kosher wine.

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