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Businessmen ‘Will Fly Around On Oats’

A new Orbital Astronomical Train (Oat) will be built to whizz businessmen around the Earth at 2,500mph, in a bid to make them all go away.

Eventually, Oat will extend far enough to dump office-type people on the Moon, but for the first century of its operation passengers will have to make do with the mediocrity of a perpetual geosynchronous orbit.


It’s not the Scots who want to destroy Great Britain

David Cameron and his coalition government are doing everything within their power to destroy the British state.

The Conservative Party hate the idea of a big, overarching government providing lots of useful public services, and since winning back power two years ago they have pursued every avenue they could find in order to scale down the state’s ambitions.


Government Vision for Greenless Britain

Great Britain will be tarmacked and covered by giant advertising hoardings that can be seen by air passengers from 30,000 feet in new plans announced by the government today.

Every last inch of green space on these islands will be sold off in a bid by the Department for Communities and Local Government to “get Britain’s economy growing again”.


Fake Story Was Written By Illegal Immigrant, Claims Paul Dacre

A fake story with fake quotes reporting the opposite of what actually happened was written by an illegal immigrant whom the Daily Mail was forced to employ because he owned a cat, the newspaper’s sadistic editor has explained.

Paul Dacre, a Grade A moron with a tiny penis, said the story which reported on Amanda Knox’s failed appeal immediately after the appeal succeeded was exactly the kind of mistake he would expect a coloured person from the jungle to make.


Badgers Agree To Cull Humans In Bid To Stop Spread Of Idiocy

The nation’s top badgers have agreed to a widespread cull of human beings in a bid to stop rampant idiocy getting out of control.

The move was made amid fears that humans are passing their idiocy down the food chain to more important animals such as earthworms and hedgehogs.

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