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Back To the Eighties

Duran Duran are at number one, everyone’s got shit haircuts and corporation tax is getting slashed, George Osborne has announced.

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Our freedom has been hijacked

For decades now, an elite has championed greater liberty, at the same time as it has set about eroding it.

Its powerful mantra of the ‘free market’ is the single most destructive political ideology to have found mass appeal in the West since the 1930s.

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Bastard Bankers Beaten By British Backslap

Bankers will keep their bonuses this year if they are each able to find an individual of working age who doesn’t know how to use a calculator, British taxpayers have announced.

Their bonuses will be doubled if they can find a school pupil who doesn’t know the difference between an upward curve and a downward curve.

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Where the fuck do they think they’re going?

This world is on the brink, but its leaders have decided to call it a day. ‘Two weeks in Mexico was lovely and everything, but it’s time we went home to continue oppressing our citizens.’

A partial agreement to sort of hopefully reduce global carbon emissions by an unspecified amount within an uncertain period of time without any concrete method of doing so is a perfectly acceptable way to end the 16th annual UN climate change conference for the unfairly elected governments of this world.

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Students To Be Assaulted By Ministers Daily

University students in England and Wales will have to endure a daily beating by ministers, the government has announced.

The compulsory assaults will be targeted at vulnerable areas of the body such as the head, abdomen and groin, with the aim to gradually wear down the student until they are hospitalised.

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I predict a riot

Today has been historic. Of all the days in British political history, today will take some beating. Because on this day, the government has pledged to solve a huge financial deficit with a massive deficit of its own.

An intellectual deficit so severe it makes George Bush look like Stephen Hawking.

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