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Under-25s ‘Should Be Killed’

Every Briton under the age of 25 years must be slain, David Cameron has said.

The Prime Minister believes any citizen born after 1987 does not have the right to life and should be violently exterminated forthwith.

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Healthy Planet “Financially Non-Viable”

Saving the planet would cause a new financial crisis, The Taxman can exclusively reveal.

The discovery was made by the personal assistants of world leaders at the Rio+20 Earth Summit, who wrote a secret document that we found buried under a whale carcass on Copacabana beach.

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George Osborne Refuses To Flush His Shit

George Osborne has said the hosepipe ban in southern and eastern England must remain in place – despite the fact it’s fucking pissing it down.

The Chancellor of the Exchequer vowed to ignore what was happening outside and has even added to our peril by banning the double-flush.

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The British Empire is alive and killing

When does an empire cease to be an empire? When member countries gain independence, or when their populations are no longer exploited?

According to the former definition, the British Empire concluded within a few years of the Second World War. And yet, the exploitation has continued.

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Second-Home Owners ‘Unable To Get On Third-Home Ladder’

A shortfall in housing is pricing out many potential first-time third-home buyers.

The decline in the supply of affordable mansions and a sharp rise in the viewing figures for Escape to the Country have combined to create a ‘perfect storm’ in the market for multiple dwellings.

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Laziness Levels Getting Lazier

Laziness levels in Britain have risen to a 16-year high.

More than 2.6 million people of working age are now sitting on their fat arses at home watching Deal Or No Deal while eating ice cream, the Office for National Statistics has confirmed.

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