Bored with Blair? Labour letting you down? Looking for a new political party that shares your views? Join the Conservative Party! We share everybody’s views – even yours! That’s right the Tories are back, and this time, we’re here to stay! So get in store today and see for yourself our fine new range of policies.
Feel guilty about the size of your carbon footprint? We’ll make you feel better! Our new leader cycles to work! High taxes forcing you to shop at ASDA? Don’t worry! We’ll lower them! Tired of receiving free healthcare? No problem – we’ll make you pay for it! Committed a crime? We’ll send you to jail! Until you die!