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Obama Joins Liberal Democrats

US President Barack Obama has been unveiled as the newest member of the Liberal Democrat Party.

Obama told the party’s annual conference that he was greatly impressed with the way they had caved in to the ruling neo-cons since they gained power and hoped he could swap notes with leader Nick Clegg.

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Nothing At All Happening In the World Right Now, Confirms British Media

Absolutely nothing, nada, zilch is occurring in any of the world’s 195 countries, according to British media outlets.

No-one is dying of disease and/or starvation, no-one’s army is invading and/or occupying anyone’s country and no-one’s economy is about to collapse. Whatsoever.

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“From Now On, We Only Employ Murderers,” Orders Fox

Anyone who isn’t already a trained assassin has been kicked out of the Armed Forces.

The Ministry of Defence (MOD) today fired 11,000 non-lethal RAF, Navy and Army personnel out of a cannon and into the North Sea.

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Back To the Eighties

Duran Duran are at number one, everyone’s got shit haircuts and corporation tax is getting slashed, George Osborne has announced.

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Rail Bosses Devise Innovative New Way To Delay Trains

Level crossings in Britain will be reconfigured to make trains stop and wait for passing motor vehicles, the government has announced.

Rail passengers will have to stand and watch streams of road traffic whizz by, as train services are forced to patiently give way.

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