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Badgers Agree To Cull Humans In Bid To Stop Spread Of Idiocy

The nation’s top badgers have agreed to a widespread cull of human beings in a bid to stop rampant idiocy getting out of control.

The move was made amid fears that humans are passing their idiocy down the food chain to more important animals such as earthworms and hedgehogs.

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Doctors To Spend NHS Budget On Lobbying for Euthanasia

A survey of General Practitioners (GPs) has shown that if the coalition government pushed through its health reforms and gave them control of budgets, they would spend all of it on lobbying for euthanasia and various other new laws.

Top of the shopping list for the nation’s doctors is permission to let any terminal patients with no quality of life die, instead of forcing them to exist in a semi-conscious, undignified, taxpayers’ money-sapping state during their inexorable decline.

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Cameron Asks Clegg To Resign

Prime Minister David Cameron has marked the coalition’s first anniversary with a request for his deputy Nick Clegg to resign.

The shocking move comes just days after the Conservative Party triumphed over the Liberal Democrats with a resounding victory in the referendum on voting reform.

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Refugees Fleeing Torture ‘Wimps’

Asylum seekers, refugees and all immigrants that look a bit tanned are just cowards too scared of getting their genitalia hacked off, David Cameron told a group of Daily Mail readers yesterday.

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“From Now On, We Only Employ Murderers,” Orders Fox

Anyone who isn’t already a trained assassin has been kicked out of the Armed Forces.

The Ministry of Defence (MOD) today fired 11,000 non-lethal RAF, Navy and Army personnel out of a cannon and into the North Sea.

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Back To the Eighties

Duran Duran are at number one, everyone’s got shit haircuts and corporation tax is getting slashed, George Osborne has announced.

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