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Glastonbury 2008

Yes, that’s right, I’ve spent the last two days at Glastonbury Festival, in Somerset, England.

Mark Ronson, The Pigeon Detectives, Neil Diamond, Groove Armada, The Verve – I missed them all because I decided to leave early.

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Suspicious Circumstances Surrounding Conspiracy Theorist’s Death

Suspicious circumstances surround the death of conspiracy theorist Patrick Roche, author of the book Elvis Died in a Bathtub.

Roche, 44, was hit by a bus five months ago as he crossed Streatham High Road in London and was killed instantly – or so we have been led to believe by the establishment.

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Top Gear’s Clarkson Run Down By Speeding ‘Super Car’

Top Gear presenter Jeremy Clarkson was this morning run down by a speeding ‘super car’, the Chrysler Dodge Snake, or something like that.

The driver of the vehicle was killed after he knocked down Clarkson and subsequently veered into a petrol station, dying instantly from the resulting fireball.

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Bush Plot To Oust Schwarzenegger Foiled After Arnie Kills All the Bad Guys

The Bush administration was left reeling last night after its carefully devised plan to oust the Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger, was thwarted in blockbuster fashion.

Schwarzenegger battled against the odds and overcame, among other things; laser gunfire, missile strikes, invisible alien life forms and seemingly indestructible robots before finally killing all the bad guys in a bloody finale.

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Christina Aguilera: Back To Basics

With Back to Basics, the enigmatic pop diva returns for her third album in seven years.

Perhaps if she spent more time in the recording studio than she does in the hairdressers she might be able to produce something at least approaching the creative genius of the band Radiohead, to whom she quite obviously aspires.

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Coldplay: X&Y

Coldplay are back with third album, X&Y, but is it as good as that second album they did?

Well, after topping the charts on both sides of the Atlantic, headlining festivals and selling out world tours, Coldplay have done it again.

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Bush Declares War On Kyrgyzstan

US President George W. Bush has declared war on the Republic of Kyrgyzstan.

The exact reason why Bush has targeted the former Soviet republic as the next victim in the War on Terror is unclear, but the president gave a statement yesterday.

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