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Trust me, I’m famous!

Hi there. As you may have noticed, I am a celebrity. My face is familiar to you and the artistic pursuits which made me famous may or may not have brought you a limited amount of pleasure.

Although I already have more money than I need to live comfortably, I have decided to earn lots more money I don’t need by trying to sell you something that you don’t need and help increase the profits of a corporation that is already very profitable.

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Memorial Service for 9/11 Survivors Who Endured Last Ten Years

The 2,977 people killed by terrorists on 11th September 2001 marked the tenth anniversary of their deaths today with a sombre ceremony to remember those unfortunate survivors who have had to live through the last gruesome decade.

Scarcely able to comprehend their luck at avoiding the Bush presidency, the War on Terror, the erosion of civil liberties, the rise of stringent airport security, the proliferation of media scare stories, the greatest recession since the 1930s, the Tea Party, Simon Cowell and the worst effects of man-made climate change, 9/11 victims momentarily ceased their non-stop Afterlife party to reflect on the horror since suffered by those who didn’t die in the attacks.

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Celebrities Agree Truce With Media, But We Know Nothing

Britain’s celebrities have agreed not to sue the News of the World, or any other tabloid newspaper ever again, so long as the media stops trying to overturn super, large and even regular-sized injunctions. Apparently.

You didn’t hear this from us, here at The Taxman, but the police will now stop their investigation into the Sunday paper’s phone hacking crimes, while the media will stop trying to publish anything scandalous that may or may not be the subject of any kind of injunction that we might know about but are not allowed to report on. Allegedly.

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Wikileaks Cables: US Mocked Over Failure To Censor Wikileaks Cables

In the latest US diplomatic cables released by whistle-blowing website Wikileaks, the US ambassador in Beijing claims to be the victim of a prolonged Chinese bullying campaign because of America’s ongoing inability to silence dissidents, such as on the whistle-blowing website Wikileaks.

As site founder Julian Assange sat through another day of his extradition hearing at Belmarsh Magistrates’ Court, in London, cable 11BEIJING439 was mysteriously uploaded from an unknown location within Belmarsh Magistrates’ Court, in London.

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Simon Cowell: Helping Haiti

What? What’s this? Simon Cowell is doing something selfless? Out of the goodness of his heart? What?

Surely, there must be some mistake. This can’t possibly be a not-for-profit charity single in aid of the Haiti earthquake fund. This is a Simon Cowell project.

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Cheryl Cole: 3 Words

Michael Jackson. Cheryl Cole is obsessed with Michael Jackson. Michael Jackson. King of Pop. Michael Jackson. But her album’s no thriller.

She’s probably seen This Is It a thousand times in two weeks. Probably went to the 20.30 showing at South Woodford Odeon last night. And the Leicester Square showing earlier the same day. While listening to Off the Wall on the Central line.

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