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Buy this product or die!

For years you have been living in peace, safe in the knowledge that your life expectancy is about 75 years.

Well not anymore. Because we’ve just discovered a new problem, a new health hazard, a new threat to your blissful life and the joyous lives of your family and friends.

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Bastard Bankers Beaten By British Backslap

Bankers will keep their bonuses this year if they are each able to find an individual of working age who doesn’t know how to use a calculator, British taxpayers have announced.

Their bonuses will be doubled if they can find a school pupil who doesn’t know the difference between an upward curve and a downward curve.

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Eat, drink, consume!

Is your government failing to cope with basic social problems such as crime, suicide, mental health and obesity?

Do they rule by fear, and control by aggression? Then you’ll probably want to avoid society’s failures and climb the hierarchy as quickly as possible to leave those problems behind.

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BP Plugs Oil Leak With £50 Notes

British Petroleum has finally plugged the leaking oil well in the Gulf of Mexico by stuffing it full of rolled fifties.

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Give us our country back

In a land now largely owned and leased back from corporations, the role of the state could not be in more doubt.

From Thatcher to Major to Blair to Brown, the transfer of our public services to private enterprise has proceeded unabated for over 30 years. It is likely to continue, whoever wins on 6th May. But is it really important who serves us? So long as we get what we need, does it matter if the water we drink is contaminated with greed?

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Change the system, not the climate

Today, fifteen thousand humans gather at the Bella Center in Copenhagen. Ten thousand of them shoulder the responsibility of safeguarding their species from unimaginable suffering, widespread death, and possibly even extinction.

As many as 50,000 more humans are expected to arrive, elsewhere in Copenhagen, to help make sure this responsibility isn’t forgotten. Unrepresented, meanwhile, are 1.25 million other species that face similar, if not graver threats to their existence.

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