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What Cyclone? Ask Burmese Junta

Burma’s ruling military junta have denied that more than 200,000 of its people have been killed by a cyclone, claiming instead that there was no cyclone, and that the 200,000 people never existed.

“I think that if 200,000 of my own citizens had been killed, I would know about it by now, thanks very much,” said Burmese prime minister Than Shwe earlier today.


Torch-Snatching To Become Olympic Sport

A brand new event will be debuted at this years’ Olympic Games in Beijing, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) have announced, following an unprecedented wave of popularity across the globe for snatching torches.

‘Torch-snatching’ involves celebrities carrying a lit torch through streets while being chased by hundreds of competitors all attempting to extinguish the flame. The gold medallist will be the first athlete both to snatch the torch and extinguish it.


North Korea Launches Nuclear Prank Warhead

North Korea has sent shockwaves around the world after successfully launching its secret nuclear prank strike on the US state of Alaska.

At approximately 12pm local time – the height of Inuit rush-hour – the North Korean ‘nuclear prank warhead’ landed and detonated somewhere inside the Arctic Circle region of Yukon-Koyukuk County, some 2,500 miles from its intended target of Los Angeles.


Bush Declares War On Kyrgyzstan

US President George W. Bush has declared war on the Republic of Kyrgyzstan.

The exact reason why Bush has targeted the former Soviet republic as the next victim in the War on Terror is unclear, but the president gave a statement yesterday.

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