Winter Olympic Event Banned In Russia
The Russian prime minister said he was happy to transfer the men’s figure skating event to Vancouver for the 2014 Games, but vowed that all other “legitimate” sports would take place in Sochi in February as originally planned.
The move comes as huge international pressure is heaped on Russia following the Kremlin’s prohibition of the promotion of homosexuality.
Putin said in a press conference at a Moscow strip club: “Canada can have the men figure skaters. I understand they like that sort of thing there.
“But I want the women to look like this, understand?”
The Olympic move is part of a landmark new trade deal between the two countries that will see all men’s figure skaters in Russia exported to Canada, in exchange for oil from the Alberta tar sands.
Putin continued: “We will build a big pipeline under the Pacific Ocean and pump the gays to Canada.
“Another pipeline will give me the oil the Americans don’t want. We don’t really need it, but it will teach Obama a little lesson about Russian diplomacy.”
Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper welcomed the agreement, but gave reassurances to the LGBT community that no similar discrimination against homosexuality would occur.
“I’ve got nothing against the gays,” said Harper. “This is just business.
“Look – we’ll do anything for money. If Putin had requested to bum me instead I’d have done that too.”
US President Barack Obama rolled his eyes, sighed, then said: “I can now confirm that the newest member of the US men’s figure skating team is Edward Snowden.
“He does a fantastic reverse inside axel.”